Why cat I function without...?

I'm 22 years old,male,pretty attractive i guess,healthy...etc... I know this is random and sound's crazy, I just need some type of answer and idk where to get it.......... but anyways, I cant remember ever crying before A few month's ago,I dont think I'm any more depressed than normal. I was just sitting there that night in bed and idk what happened I just started crying. ever since then I cant sleep unless i cry myself to sleep, before i always felt like i had no emotion's(empty) but when i cry 4 no reason it's like a million pound's are lifted and im euphoric, and im happy for awhile. I dont know what to do. I feel ashamed after I cry but it feels so good I dont care almost. What's going on in my head....All jokes aside,I feel like I been taking female hormones. idk how else to put it dude . .. When i listen to music i feel all this emotion and i start thinking and the tears start falling. I think I'm having some sort of breakdown or something, but i feel good for awhile before i feel normal again. I havent been able to get close to any1 for the past year or so because of the "feelings" I've had, not even a girlfriend, I'm not suicidal just...idk..."gone" "numbed" "severely apathetic"..... I'ts like I'm reaching for something thats not there and maybe never will be, and idk what it is. I feel like a zombie with a lock on the coffin and I'm starving even though I'm already dead........... I feel like it's some sort of depression, but I've been this way since I was a child, so i have doubts its depression, maybe chemical balance is off? idk. thank u 4 ur answers though. and I'm not crazy.....I'm very educated,and have good morals......I'm just going insane. I've been thinking things lately that i shouldnt, like finding ways to "commit suicide" and I dont even know why Im so sad man i hate this i cant stand it, I dropped everyone i knew 6 months ago, all All my freinds and family, i havent spoken as much as a word to them, now im too ashamed to call any1, im too sad to even think of the words to say, im almost too sad to live anymore. I had a twisted childhood, but i've been over it since it happened so idk why i feel like this. im scared. I cant believe this is real, that this is my life that this was what i was going to feel like at 22. To be honest though the main thing is that I've been singlr for about 6 months, idk if i need as much as want a woman, but I'm so sad all the time even when some1 likes me and wants to get close, i cant... i cant even straighten my mind long enought to make conversation. i think subconciously i turn them away because i know im just 2 messed up right now....but...omg.thers no end in sight..... i need a way out of this. a rope. a ladder. a hand. anything. idk what 2 do. i don't really expect THE answer, just some sort of helpful words maybe idk, maybe im just typing............